I have had times in my life where it has taken me years to get from pain and anger to forgiveness. When I have finally gotten to forgiveness, I can actually feel the weight lifting from my shoulders. I feel lighter, I have much more clarity and joy.
We (my husband and I) are currently finishing up a 21 day meditation from Oprah and Deepak, Hope in Uncertain Times. Day 20 really struck a note with me and I would like to share a quote from Oprah here.
"If you haven't been able to forgive then you are holding onto something. You want it to be different. It takes a lot of energy to hold onto a grudge. The truth is if you are holding a grudge, that grudge is also holding you. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself - not for the person who wronged you. By giving up the grudge and accepting what has happened, you tap into the healing power of hope."
We aren't always ready to forgive and when we are we sometimes need help to get there. Some steps that might help you include:
Write it down! Write it all down. Describe your hurt, how it has impacted your life and why the unfairness of it lingers with you.
Read it, edit it and reflect.
Let it go. This might be different for different people. You might feel like you need to give it to the person that hurt you, but understand that they might not have the awareness to hear what you are saying. Another option is to create your own ceremony. Shred what you have written down. Find a time and location to burn what you have written, and as you watch the smoke drift away feel the anger go with it.
I hope this will start you on your journey to forgiveness - if you want to talk more we are happy to help.