One of the Sage Powers we learn to develop while practicing Positive Intelligence is the Explore Power. This is incredibly important when having conversations, both with loved ones and with professional relationships.
Here are some scenario's:
You and your partner can't decide on a place to eat
Your co-worker won't adhere your timelines
Your boss doesn't understand the value you can offer to the organization
Your adult child keeps making bad choices
Why is it important to learn to explore in the above situations? We can always assume we know why someone else is acting the way they do, but we don't know the real reason. Take the first example. Author Shirzad Chamine shares an experience during PQ practice on a Focus of the Day. When trying to decide on a place to eat he wanted seafood and his friend wanted Italian. When digging deeper his friend said he really just wanted to sit outside at his favorite Italian restaurant which had an incredible patio. Shirzad wanted to go someplace with healthier food. By asking why each place was important they were able to choose a place that had an outdoor patio and offered healthy salad choices.
I recently had a client who was really upset at her teen for refusing to take the bus home. I encouraged her to set aside some time to keep asking why and coached her on how to ask without sounding frustrated and accusatory. She found out that her daughter didn't have anyone to sit with on the bus and was embarrassed. When hearing that my client worked with her daughter to pay more attention to everyone else on the bus. Who else was alone? She realized she wasn't the only one and eventually started sitting with another teen who was also often alone. They realized that they both shared a love of hiking and now have gone on a couple of hikes together.
How do you build your Explore Power? It takes practice. Here are some ways you use try to understand what is behind the issue.
Take a deep breath prior to asking questions. Come from a place of calm.
Be unattached to the outcome. No matter what they say be open to hearing and learning.
Ask open ended questions. Don't let anyone get away with yes or no answers.
Dig deeper. Find different ways to ask why. Don't assume you have gotten to the bottom of the situation until you are sure.
As hard as it is for you to stay calm it is often hard for others to really know why they have made the choice they did. Keep asking and learning.