Those of us parents who are Pleasers have incredible strengths that others envy. We are loving, giving, empathic. We have an easier time tuning into our kids feelings. We are there for others, usually the first one to volunteer and the volunteer who gets things done. You would think this would make us the perfect parent.
Of course, there is more. Because loving others is so important to us, we look for that love at great expense to ourselves. Always putting others first leaves us depleted. For a Pleaser this is one of the hardest thing to recognize. The lie of the Pleaser is that we don't do this for ourselves and that we expect nothing in return. The truth is we get frustrated when others don't help out the way we do.
When parenting this includes the inability to set boundaries. This can be confusing and frustrating for kids - it also encourages them to develop bad habits because they know how they can work us.
We sometimes believe that expressing our own needs directly is selfish. In actuality this is a wonderful gift to teach your children. If we don't take care of ourselves, we can't do a good job of caring for others. #burnout
If you are a Pleaser Parent, what can you do?
Practice receiving. Pleasers give, but it is hard for them to accept help. Be gracious when others offer to help. Ask for help from others.
Practice self love. Learn to empathize with yourself. Write down what you are good at. Celebrate your strengths.
Watch for other Pleasers. How do they make you feel? You might be surprised at how they come across. Do you recognize yourself doing the same things?
Most important - learn to say no. Any no is a yes to something else.
Are you interested in learning more about your own Saboteurs? If you haven't already you can take the assessment at this link. The assessment link is at the bottom of the page.