Now that our kids are all adults, we can look back at those years and truthfully say, those were the best times of our lives, those were the hardest times of our lives.
Would you like to learn more how to have more best times and less hard times?
Here are some suggestions:
In an earlier post I shared about visioning good times to stay more positive. When you remember things that went well your brain develops more positive chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins, these are all happiness drugs for our brain. The more you practice being positive, the more you are positive. You can also teach this to your kids, no matter what age. When they are feeling down, remind them of a happy memory. Ask questions, share a laugh.
You can also use visioning to correct past mistakes. Do you have the same conversation over and over with your kids or partner that seems to go nowhere? What are you getting stuck on? What can you say differently next time to gently lead the conversation in a more helpful way? The key here is to use what we do while coaching. Stay curious. Ask open ended questions. Don’t let them get away with a yes or no answer. Most importantly stay calm. If you aren’t getting an answer, keep asking questions. You might find out something new. I love it when my kids helped me to grow. They can be so wise.
What does success look like for your kids? Is it getting all A’s? Getting into the best schools? Or is it simply being happy. In his book Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine, the author talks about asking his students at Stanford if they were happy. Out of 90 students, only one said yes, he was happy. The rest explained that the pressure of school, finding internships, looking for the best job after graduation were overwhelming and they were depressed about the future. Be careful about the pressures you put on your kids. Teach them happiness.
I would be remiss as a coach to say that coaching doesn’t help. Having someone in your corner to help celebrate your wins, bounce ideas off of and just generally be your number one support person can make a world of difference. If you haven’t already, sign up for a free discovery call and give it a try.
Wishing you all the best with your parenting,